i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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