Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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