i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
