i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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