is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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