My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
