Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
