i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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