So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
