i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
