Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
