oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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