i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
