Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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