At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize