do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
