i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
