Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
