New invention idea: vibrating tampons
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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