I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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