think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
