You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
