Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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