I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
