By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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