carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
