is your mom at the bar?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
