fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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