4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
