Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
