My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
