Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
