yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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