I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
