i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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