how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
