She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
