I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
