remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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