That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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