just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
