I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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