Kiss
Puke
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
