glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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