I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
