so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you traded sex for a burrito?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
