He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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