They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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