I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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