That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
